How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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