I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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