what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
