i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
