Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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