How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
