can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
