Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
