thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
