He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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