That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
