Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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