I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
