life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
