first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
