There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
