i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
