Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
