If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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