Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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