Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
