just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
