You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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