I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
