i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
