you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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