No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
