He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
