I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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