i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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