im drinking this country out of the recession.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
