genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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