just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
