the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
