I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
