I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize