he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
