Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize