wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
