Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
