brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
