dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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