yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
