I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
