You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize