dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
