is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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