You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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