I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
