Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
