I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
