Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize