bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it penis luge time yet?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
