Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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