I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize