i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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