I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
