guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm having to shit out rocks
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