need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
