and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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