it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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