have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
