My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
